I start "big girl" college on Friday. My emotions are totally split in half. On one hand, I cannot WAIT. I'm taking three English classes, and to most people that sounds terrible. To me? Total heaven. Writing and reading and analyzing so much that I'm going to want to die. I'm taking British Literature (I wish we were reading 'arry Potta'), Women's Literature (huzzah, tons of "woe is me" books about the oppression of women) and Analysis and Writing of Fiction. I think I'm most excited for the last one. (Time for a monologue...)
I've been getting super depressed when I think about my writing and my novels and everything. I just need to calm the frack down. Seriously? I'm not even 21 yet. (But PS: My birthday is in 21-ish days.) I have so much time to come up with ideas. I'll write books that I hate, books just for me, and then one day I'll write what I actually want to publish. Just because I'm going through a writing dry spell doesn't mean I should stop writing. It's a talent God gave me and I shouldn't give up on it because I'm an impatient young adult who wishes for instant gratification.
Oh right. My other emotion...hmm, how to explain...
I'M GOING TO FAIL AT EVERYTHING.
Yeah. That's basically how my other half feels. I feel unprepared. Coming from Crafton, I feel like a babied idiot who doesn't know anything.
(And then I remind myself I'm not going to Yale...I'm going to San Bernardino. I might not be the smartest person, but I'm definitely not the most loggerheaded. Yeah, that's a synonym for stupid. Lovely.)
I lounged around with my mother today. We watched a ton of wedding shows. Why do women love those shows? Actually...I can understand why unmarried women would love them. They give us ideas for our eventual (hopefully) weddings that we might have never thought of before. Also, I think they give us, or maybe just me, a little bit of hope that one day, we'll find love. But I think I would hate watching them when I'm already married. I'd constantly say, "Well, why didn't I think of that?" I'd be jealous of the amount of money everyone else ignorantly spends on flowers and food and lighting and ice sculptures. That's probably a lie...even when I'm married, I'm sure I'll still love to watch the trainwreck, (really, trainwreck isn't one word? Hold on...I need to check that out. Wow! It's seriously two words...that's dumb) ahem, train wreck weddings on Four Weddings. I really hope mine isn't one of those. How could a wedding fail when you have delicious grilled cheese and/or pizza? And houndstooth? Loves it.
I just used the word wedding way too much in that paragraph. Let's look up some synonyms.
- marriage ceremony (too long and formal)
- nuptials (reminds me of the word nipple)
- wedding party (oh, that one's cute, but it uses wedding...doesn't really seem like a synonym)
- hymeneals (whoa, whoa, whoa. Say whaaat? That's just disturbing! "I'd like to cordially invite you to my hymeneal." No one actually says that, right? I mean, that's just a blatant "you know what they're doing tonight" expression. Oh, apparently it can also mean a hymn or poem sung at a wedding. "Will you please all focus your attention at the groom while he sings a self-written hymeneal to his bride?" Eghhhhh.)
Now that I'm officially grossed out, I'm going to watch a show that I will not mention because my mother would judge me profusely. Au revoir!
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